This was emailed to me. Here it is, without endorsement or criticism, warts and all (although I think it’s a cut-and-paste. What ‘motor industry’?):


Dear John Key and Bill English,

Please find below our suggestion for fixing New Zealand’s economy.

Instead of giving billions of dollars to the banks, Iwi’s and others to be squandered on unearned bonuses and extravagant overseas trips, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 1 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them $1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1} They MUST retire. One million job openings = unemployment fixed ….
2} They MUST buy a new car. One million cars ordered = motor industry fixed.
3} They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage and the banks must use the money for cheap new loans for new home buyers = housing supply and affordability fixed.
4} They MUST buy at least $100 of alcohol a week = your money back in duty/tax etc.
5} The MUST buy some shares in the strategic NZ companies you propose flogging off, and hold them for at least 10 years = US owning OUR remaining assets and more money kept in NZ instead of sent overseas. Note that of our biggest 20 companies in 1988 ALL are now owned overseas or controlled or owned by Graeme Hart, except for Fisher & Paykel; and from just Telecom and the BNZ alone (and not even including the other 17 companies) $16 billion of dividends has gone to their overseas owners.
6} They MUST pay for their grandchildren to go to University = no further need for student loans and more doctors and nurses.
7} Instead of stuffing around with the carbon emissions trading scheme that makes us pay for the major polluters, tell the greedy bastards to reduce their pollution emissions by 75% within 5 years or they’ll be shut down = more jobs for inventive NZ manufacturers providing pollution solutions and more tourists to a really cleaner, greener NZ.
8} If you need more money, have all MP’s pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances.

Yours sincerely,

Your Employers and potential re-employers.

Grumpies of the World Unite:

Let’s put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home. This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They’d receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they’d receive money instead of paying it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.
They would be checked every 20 minutes and be provided with all meals and snacks.
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education courses.
Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ’s and legal aid would be free, on request.
Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.
Each pensioner could have a computer, tv, radio and daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the caregivers would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.
The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised, with lights off at 8pm and showers once a week.
While living in a tiny room and paying $800.00 per week with no hope of ever getting out.

Think about this (more points of contention):

Is it just me or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic, we could track a single cow, born in the Waikato almost three years ago,
right to the stall where she slept anywhere in the Waikato District? And, we even tracked her calves to their stalls.
But we’re unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around NZ.
Maybe we should give each of them a cow.


The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Parliament is this – You cannot post ‘Thou Shall Not Steal’, ‘Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery’ and ‘Thou Shall Not Lie’ in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
Also –

Think about this. If you don’t want to forward this for fear of offending someone; YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM!
It is time for us grumpy old folk of New Zealand to speak up!